dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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