I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
