This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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