are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
