Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
