What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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