Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
