The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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