does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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