You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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