Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
