her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
