Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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