just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
