does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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