I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
