In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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