His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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