Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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