this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
