the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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