You smell like stripper and shame
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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