I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
