dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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