ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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