Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
