We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
