Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
