I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just puked most of my soul out..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
