It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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