I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
