take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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