I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
