just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
