Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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