After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
