we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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