I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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