When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
