Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
