Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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