so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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