oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
