And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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