When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my poor anus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
