Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
