My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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