he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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