No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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