You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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