I don't usually arrange sex via text message
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
