I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
