Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
