Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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