i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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