Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
