We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
