So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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