hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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