I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drake has all the answers
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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