There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
