i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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