You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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