Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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