I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
