After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
