Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
