ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
