There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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