I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
